Don't look, while we're Changing

GF is going to have another attempt to upgrade the blog to the new Blog format. He apologises in advance for any disruption.
Abnormal service will be resumed as soon as possible

£1,000 fine for failing to update identity cards

The Telegraph has an interesting piece on the proposed Right to Exist ID Card. It would appear that in addition to the charges for obtaining the card (don't worry, cheap forgeries will soon be available), you will be fined up to £1000 for not keeping them up to date.

GF objects. Surely in this new police state created by NuLabour a fine is insufficient? After all, you can now be imprisoned for eating while driving so a fine seems too trivial for such a heinous crime. Gorse Fox suggests that 15 years imprisonment should be the punishment for the first offence, and removal of a limb for any further infraction.

Oh yes, and

two areas of card "infringement" alone could bring in up to £40 million a year for the Treasury...
...all fees and fines will be paid directly into the Treasury's central funds for general spending and not go towards running the scheme

The thief in No. 11 will be delighted.


[File under: Tax]

Decorations

in the nature of modern-day manufacture, the Gorse Fox and Silver Vixen believe in "just-in-time" decorations. This means that whilst shops have had decorations up since mid-summer, and neighbours have decorated a week or two back, we have kept the powder dry and left it until today.



So the Christmas Tree was retrieved from the loft and boxes of decorations brought in from the garage. Lights were plugged-in and tested (no qualified electricians involved), and steps used to reach the higher destinations (without any prosecution by Health and Safety - and No, the Gorse Fox did not use a cherry-picker and harness to put up the Christmas Cards either).



A "Santa-run" was incorporated into a trip to the shops, and presents dropped off. Now we are settled-in with wrapping paper and sticky tape.

Self Assessment

Gorse Fox has just been through the trauma that is the annual "self appraisal" that all memeber of Starfleet undergo. This means assessing your performance against a number of criteria:

• ability to leap tall buildings
• ability to walk on water
• ability to satisfy everyone
• ability to bring world peace
• ability to bring in infinite revenue and keep the client delighted
• ability to file new patents, discover planets, cure the common cold
• and so on...

Being English, and therefore deeply embarrassed at presenting his strengths, the Gorse Fox has squirmed through the exercise with weasel words and apt quotations from deluded colleagues.

• Gorse Fox has helped...
• Gorse Fox encouraged...
• Gorse Fox believes that...
• Gorse Fox appears to...

Hate it!





Technorati Tags: Appraisals

Clarity

Thursday afternoon seemed interminable. A necessary technical meeting (attended by a hobbit) discussed the finer points of data models and the semantics of our business. Eventually, the Gorse Fox escaped and picked his way through the dense fog to collect the Silver Vixen and head back down south.



En route a stop was made and we took on food and water at "The Air Ballon" - (it wasn't flying, visibility was too low) - and then with the traffic dying down (or merging into the fog) we headed onwards. As the journey crossed Hampshire the fog started to lift, and by the time we were in Sussex, it was a clear, cool night.

Beer, Thai and BBQ

After meeting up with a few colleagues for a drink to wish farewell to the Bouncing Check the Gorse Fox bid adieu and met with the Silver Vixen to have a nice Thai meal before heading back to the hotel.



A Christmas Party was in full swing with a disco in the marquee beneath our window. It took a while to driift off to sleep but as they played "Burn baby burn, disco inferno" it occurred that it would be the ideal upbeat song to play at a crematorium as the curtains open and the coffin starts to move.

Not Citrus

Pineapples are not citrus fruits. But they do look to be key components of our way forward.



It may seem obtuse... but GF cannot elaborate

Working Worcester

Well Worcester probably didn't know what had hit it. The Silver Vixen was dropped just before nine and was still in the shops when she called the Gorse Fox at half-five. Back at the hotel they met up to find that they had been allocated a suite. The hotel had treated a regular customer very well.



The evening was spent at Saffon's. Saffrons is an excellent restaurant, with superb service, and a small but well chosen menu.

A Modern Christmas

Atyllah questions the traditions of Christmas. Gorse Fox felt it beholding on him to provide some clarification.



Firstly, let him point out that in these Politically Correct times it should not be called Christmas in public. Any vestige of Christian religious affiliation must be expunged, though in olden days there was a significance to calling this time of year Christmas. It was the celebration of the birth of a child who espoused love for each other, forgiveness, peace, and responsibility.



Now of course, in these enlightened times, people have realised that these concepts are ridiculous, and what we should concentrate on is greed, self-interest, arrogance, and "rights". The festival therefore has morphed into a celebration of late night shopping, excess drinking, and eating. It is a game of top trumps for the new century where the winner is he/she who

• eats the most
• drinks the most
• accumulates the most gifts (even if unwanted)
• Accumulates the most valuable gifts
• attends the most Christmas Parties
• forces their attention on the most people
• avoids getting arrested
• survives until the New Year

In this new PC Christmas we eschew traditional things like Father Christmas coming down the chimney - home security ensures that he would be arrested for breaking and entering, thus helping improve the crime clear-up statistics. Cards are sent by home computer. Turkey, Goose and Ham are a new girl band striving for a hit single... and brussel sprouts have been banned because of their impact on greenhouse gasses. Brandy butter is banned because of its contribution to obesity, and shops will close just long enough to put up the "Sale" signs.



Welcome to the 21st Century Winter Festival.









Technorati Tags: Whimsy

Wind Down - Build Up

Gorse Fox thought people started to wind down for Christmas. Today has been and continuous barrage of calls, emails, slide-sets, instant messages and tele-conferences.



Early start for Worcester scheduled for tomorrow - though fog is forecast to make the journey more "interesting". At least the Silver Vixen will be along to provide company.

Don't walk

A glorious day should have been exploited by a walk on the Downs... however Christmas preparations required the Gorse Fox's attention. As the sun has set the temperature is clearly dropping. It still has not been cold enough to light the fire, but GF suspects it won't be long.



Cousteau-cub will be pleased that her team managed a 3-2 win over Everton - maybe it was worth staying awake for (she was on night duty last night).

Robin Hood

Thinking of TV on Saturday made the GF think of Robin Hood and the Sheriff of Nottigham demanding taxes even when the peasants have had everything they own taken in taxes... Sound familiar? Remember Gordon Brown?

Stupid Pills

Gorse Fox has just watched the National Lottery - not something he would normally do. This featured a quiz and GF can only assume the contestants are chosen for their indecision and general ignorance. Now, there could be some excuse for nerves, but really!

Restaurant Pugillism

Gorse Fox and the Silver had determined that they would go out for lunch on Boxing Day.



Not so easy, it would appear. All of the restaurants that sprung to mind in the Brighton area seem to be closed on the 26th. Resorting to the Restauramt Guide GF waded through 9 screens of candidate restuarants in the Brighton area... phoning likely choices and being rebuffed by intended closure.



Eventually a suitable restaurant, with excellent reviews, has been found and booked. Sorted!

Mon Dieu

Quote of the week

"You may think it's funny, but waking every morning thinking you're French is no joke."

Louise Clarke from Bristol appears to have developed Susac's Syndrome (Retinocochleocerebral vasculopathy)

Ho hum

A quiet day at the home of the Gorse Fox. He has been working away at the computer, whilst the Silver Vixen has gone north to visit Auntie P at Jimmy's Place.

Goings on

Well, Gorse Fox is a little shaken by the goings-on at the Christmas Party.



Last night the Gorse Fox attended the Christmas dinner arranged for his colleagues and selected clients. This was the night discussed in a previous post. The restaurant had laid on Christmas crackers and various explosive and incendiary devices. On top of this there were traditional Chritmas dishes such as Lime Pickle, Onion bhajis, lamb rogan josh, pilau rice... and tens of other dishes - all laid out in a buffet for you to help yourself.



The Abbot had chosen well, and the invited throng were split between two tables. Gorse Fox found himself stting opposite the Headmistress and Mother Superior. Some may worry about such a position but not the Gorse Fox, he knew that it would be an interesting evening. Eager to get to the buffet before Boston stirred, our table quickly surrounded the starters and then settled back to munch through a tower of festive poppadums. The first of the incendiary devices detonated and fine foil chaff was catapulted over the table and our starters.



Conversation ranged across many subjects, and very few were treated with any degreee of reverence:

• The Minister (attention span of a butterfly)
• Leather chaps
• BBQ'd meat
  
  
• The Minister (attention span of a butterfly)
• Leather suits
• Shopping
• The Minister (attention span of a butterfly)
• Fashion sense (some of us have it, and others, well you know...)
• Branding
  
  
• The Minister (did GF tell you that he has the attention span of a butterfly)
  
  

The crackers were exchanged. One featured a game that engrossed players for ages trying to get a tiny ball into a welcoming receptacle... another featured a water-pistol which (in the absence of water) was filled with lager. Mentioning no names, the GF was used as a target for said weapon.



At the end of the evening people wandered off, and many congregated in the Cellar Bar. It was at this point that the Gorse Fox took his leave and headed back to the hotel.

You must

The voice at the other end said:

"What do you mean, you used judgement in this decision?"

a shudder went through the room

"Did you use the Galactic Standard Objective Evaluation Framework and Matrix?"

the assemebled throng looked blankly at each other

"No" we replied

"What! You should have. It has been MANDATED" shouted the voice.

and so the call continued.

"That went well" said the Gorse Fox at the end of a roughing up by Starfleet.

He then decided to find the "Galactic Standard Objective Evaluation Framework and Matrix" and settled down with

• Knowledge View
• Knowledge Navigator
• Method Selector
• Google
• Intranet Search
• Service Selector(*)

and several other reporitories and search systems. The conclusion he has come to is that "Galactic Standard Objective Evaluation Framework and Matrix" may be mandated, but it is not documented or stored anywhere that a practitioner might find it. This may be a loophole in the process!



(*) Names may have been changed to protect the innocent (and the Gorse Fox).

Que?

Sign just seen:

"Hand Engraving while you wait."

Does it hurt?

Isn't that a tattoo?

Is there second hand shop nearby?









Technorati Tags: Whimsy

Enterprise, or not

Gorse Fox finds himself at a Starfleet facility in the middle of England. It is strange. With so many troopers on duty at clients, Starfleet has leased part of the facility to other companies. It's like Captain Kirk deciding he does use one of the decks of the Enterprise and renting it out as hotel rooms.