HEALTH QUESTION & ANSWER SESSION
Q: I've heard that cardiovascular exercise can prolong life. Is this true?A: Your heart is good for only so many beats and that's it - don't waste them on exercise. Everything wears out eventually. Speeding up your heart will not make you live longer; that's like saying you can extend the life of your car by driving it faster. Want to live longer? Take a nap.
Q: Should I cut down on meat and eat more fruits and vegetables?A: You must grasp logistical efficiencies. What does a cow eat? Hay and corn. And what are these? Vegetables. So a steak is nothing more than an efficient mechanism of delivering vegetables to your system. Need grain? Eat chicken. Beef is also a good source of field grass (green leafy vegetable). And a pork chop can give you 100% of your recommended daily allowance of vegetable products.
Q: Should I reduce my alcohol intake?A: No, not at all. Wine is made from fruit. Brandy is distilled wine; that means they take the water out of the fruity bit so you get even more of the goodness that way. Beer is also made out of grain. Bottoms up!
Q: How can I calculate my body/fat ratio?A: Well, if you have a body and you have body fat, your ratio is one to one. If you have two bodies, your ratio is two to one, etc.
Q: What are some of the advantages of participating in a regular exercise program?A: Can't think of a single one, sorry. My philosophy is: No Pain, Good! :O)
Q: Aren't fried foods bad for you?A: YOU'RE NOT LISTENING!!!. Foods are fried in vegetable oil these days. In fact, they absorb it. So, how could getting more vegetables be bad for you?
Q: Will sit-ups help prevent me from getting a little soft around the middle?A: Definitely not! When you exercise a muscle, it gets bigger. You should only be doing sit-ups if you want a bigger stomach.
Q: Is chocolate bad for me?A: Are you crazy? HELLO - Cocoa beans ... vegetable!!! It's the best feel-good food around!
Q: Is swimming good for your figure?A: If swimming is good for your figure, explain whales to me.
Q: Is getting in-shape important for my lifestyle?A: Hey! 'Round' is a shape!
Well, I hope this has cleared up any misconceptions you may have had about food and diets. And remember:"Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in an attractive and well preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways - Chardonnay in one hand - strawberries in the other - body thoroughly used up, totally worn out, and screaming - WOO HOO! What a Ride!"
This blog entry is published in the spirit of a public service announcement.
[File under: Whimsy, Humour]
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