A capitol time

RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRiiiiiinnnnnnnnnngggggggggg

An there was the Gorse Fox, fingers locked into the ceiling wondering what the hell that was. It was the alarm clock.
The GF has not been woken by the alarm clock for months... but there he was clinging to the ceiling with his heart pounding, cursing the alarm clock, and its inventor.

So there is the GF standing on the local station waiting for the train to the Capitol. It arrives on time - but is still the old rolling stock... so he braced himself for discomfort, drafts and intolerable over-crowding.

It was a good day meeting the old lags, and even seeing Vlad the Impaler again had its moments!

And there was the the journey home... old trains, overcrowding and Croy-magnon man**. This individual decided to force himself into the space opposite the Gorse Fox, between to other commuters. To be fair, they worked for the Inland Revenue, so it is only right that they were discomforted.
Then Croy-magnon began.. Cough, Cough, splutter, cough... and so it continued for the rest of the journey to Hove.

I have decided that when I rule the world:

1. People who cough and splutter (continuously) in crowded trains can be legally hurled from the moving train


2. Croy-magnons can have their mobile phones (and laptops) inserted in the rectums under intense pressure by all passengers in the same carriage (though not those from other carriages)

**Croy-magnon: commuter to or from Croydon. Can be recognised by the following characteristics:

• cannot function without a mobile phone attached to the side of their head


• cannot function without a laptop (may or may not be used while commuting)


• mobile phone calls have to be conducted at maximum volume to inconvenience as many people as possible


• subjects to be discussed on mobile phones should be limited to deals to be closed; clubs to be visited; how much drink was consumed; and what conquests have been achieved.