Instant noodles

Gorse Fox notices the inventor of instant noodles has died, aged 96, in Japan. GF wonders if he could be revived by pouring boiling water over his coffin, and leaving for a minute or two?



Technorati Tags: Whimsy

Plagiarism

The Gorse Fox is shamelessly plagiarizing a quote from a recent Starfleet newsletter... and acknowledges the originianla author:

• Why doesn't glue stick to the inside of the bottle?
• Can fat people go skinny dipping?
• Can you be a closet claustrophobic?
• Why is the word "abbreviation" so long?
• Is it possible to be totally partial?
• If a book about failures doesn't sell is it a success?
• If a funeral procession is at night, do folks drive with their lights off?
• When companies ship Styrofoam, what do they pack it in?
• If you are cross-eyed and have dyslexia, can you read all right?
• If a stealth bomber crashes in a forest is there a sound?
• If a parsley farmer is sued, do they garnish his wages?
• When it rains, why don't sheep shrink?
• Should vegetarians eat animal crackers?
• Do cemetery workers prefer the graveyard shift?
• What do you do when a endangered animal eats endangered plants?
• If a mute swears, does his mother wash his hands?
• If someone with multiple personalities threatens to kill himself, is it considered a hostage situation?
• Is there another word for synonym?
• Isn't it a bit unnerving that doctors call what they do "practice"?
• When sign makers go on strike, is anything written on their signs?
• When you open a bag of cotton balls, is the top one meant to be thrown away?
• Where do forest rangers go to "get away from it all"?
• Would a fly without wings be called a walk?
• Why do they lock gas station bathrooms? Are they afraid someone will clean them?
• If a turtle does not have a shell, is he homeless or naked?
• Why do they sterilize the needles for lethal injections?
• Why did kamikaze pilots wear helmets?
• Is it true cannibals don't eat clowns because they taste funny?
• What is the speed of dark?

GF can almost hear the groan...







Technorati Tags: Whimsy

Sparks

Gorse Fox has been showing his expertise with electricity. The light in the porch had been out of action for a while and it was time to fix it.

• Fuse was removed
• Old light fixture removed (completely broken)
• Wires left hanging from ceiling
• Drive to DIY store and buy replacement light fitting
• Return home, drink coffee
• Remove fitting from box and read instuctions
• Follow instruction and fit new light
• Strip wires
• Feed through grommets
• add insulating sleeves
• Tighten terminals over exposed ends of wires
• Attach light fixture to ceiling
• Insert light bulb
• Re-insert fuse
• Jump back as spark blows fuse

Get out list of local electricians. Pick up phone.





Technorati Tags: DIY

A Tale for our Time - The Squirrel

Gorse Fox was sent the following, he accepts no credit for the text, but acknowledges the anonymous author for his or her perception:



In most of the world

The squirrel works hard in the withering heat all summer long, building and improving his house and laying up supplies for the winter. The grasshopper thinks he's a fool, and laughs and dances and plays the summer away.



Come winter, the squirrel is warm and well fed.



The shivering grasshopper has no food or shelter, so he dies out in the cold.

However, things may be different if the Squirrel lives in the UK:

The squirrel works hard in the withering heat all summer long, building his house and laying up supplies for the winter. The grasshopper thinks he's a fool, and laughs and dances and plays the summer away.



Come winter, the squirrel is warm and well fed.



A social worker finds the shivering grasshopper, calls a press conference and demands to know why the squirrel should be allowed to be warm and well fed while others less fortunate, like the grasshopper, are cold and starving.



The BBC shows up to provide live coverage of the shivering grasshopper; with cuts to a video of the squirrel in his comfortable warm home with a table laden with food.



The British press inform people that they should be ashamed that in a country of such wealth, this poor grasshopper is allowed to suffer so, while others have plenty.



The Labour Party, Greenpeace, Animal Rights and The Grasshopper Council of GB demonstrate in front of the squirrel's house. The BBC, interrupting a cultural festival special from Notting Hill with breaking news, broadcasts a multi-cultural choir singing "We Shall Overcome".

Ken Livingstone rants in an interview with Trevor McDonald that the squirrel got rich off the backs of grasshoppers, and calls for an immediate tax hike on the squirrel to make him pay his "fair share" and increases the charge for squirrels to enter inner London. In response to pressure from the media, the Government drafts the Economic Equity and Grasshopper Anti Discrimination Act, retroactive to the beginning of the summer.



The squirrel's taxes are reassessed.



He is taken to court and fined for failing to hire grasshoppers as builders for the work he was doing on his home and an additional fine for contempt when he told the court the grasshopper did not want to work.



The grasshopper is provided with a council house, financial aid to furnish it and an account with a local taxi firm to ensure he can be socially mobile. The squirrel's food is seized and re distributed to the more needy members of society, in this case the grasshopper. Without enough money to buy more food, to pay the fine and his newly imposed retroactive taxes, the squirrel has to downsize and start building a new home.



The local authority takes over his old home and utilises it as a temporary home for asylum seeking cats who had hijacked a plane to get to Britain as they had to share their country of origin with mice. On arrival they tried to blow up the airport because of Britain's apparent love of dogs.

The cats had been arrested for the international offence of hijacking and attempted bombing but were immediately released because the police fed them pilchards instead of salmon whilst in custody. Initial moves to then return them to their own country were abandoned because it was feared they would face death by the mice.



The cats devise and start a scam to obtain money from people's credit cards.



A Panorama special shows the grasshopper finishing up the last of the squirrel's food, though spring is still months away, while the Council house he is in, crumbles around him because he hasn't bothered to maintain the house.



He is shown to be taking drugs. Inadequate government funding is blamed for the grasshopper's drug 'illness'.



The cats seek recompense in the British courts for their treatment since arrival in UK.



The grasshopper gets arrested for stabbing an old dog during a burglary to get money for his drugs habit. He is imprisoned but released immediately because he has been in custody for a few weeks.

He is placed in the care of the probation service to monitor and supervise him. Within a few weeks he has killed a guinea pig in a botched robbery.



A commission of enquiry, that will eventually cost £10,000,000 and state the obvious, is set up.



Additional money is put into funding a drug rehabilitation scheme for grasshoppers and legal aid for lawyers representing asylum seekers is increased.



The asylum-seeking cats are praised by the government for enriching Britain's multicultural diversity and dogs are criticised by the government for failing to befriend the cats.



The grasshopper dies of a drug overdose. The usual sections of the press blame it on the obvious failure of government to address the root causes of despair arising from social inequity and his traumatic experience of prison.



They call for the resignation of a minister.



The cats are paid a million pounds each because their rights were infringed when the government failed to inform them there were mice in the United Kingdom.



The squirrel, the dogs and the victims of the hijacking, the bombing, the burglaries and robberies have to pay an additional percentage on their credit cards to cover losses, their taxes are increased to pay for law and order and they are told that they will have to work beyond 65 because of a shortfall in government funds.

Are you listening? It would almost be laughable if it wasn't so close to home.





Technorati Tags: Politics, Nu-Labour

More Genealogy

Gorse Fox has spent another day buried in dusty old electrons as he continues to research obscure parts of the family. Yesterday's effort was a success, and now the earliest entry in the Silver Vixen's side of the family can be identified in 1668.



There are still various items of conjecture, riddles, and apparent dead-ends; but that is half the fun of genealogy.

Genealogy

One of the ways in which the Gorse Fox passes his time is in the research of his family tree. This has been going on since the early 1990s and at times becomes all-consuming. Tracing the family tree can be immensely interesting at a number of levels:

• helping you understand your background
• helping you get to know what made your ancestors "tick"
• discovering places where the family have lived
• discovering records of the family
• discovering old letters and photos
• discovering military records referencing your ancestors

It can also be a source of huge frustration as

• you find that family stories are not true
• assumptions that you have made are false
• you hit "brick walls" in your research

Today GF is in a hall of mirrors (hanging on a brick wall), where he finds three separate pieces of research contradicting each other. If it can be resolved, it will drive the Silver Vixen's family back 2 more generations to the mid-1600s.

Democracy Inaction

You may be under the illusion that you live in a democracy. In order to continue to foster that illusion 10 Downing Street has a website that allows the creation of, and signing of petitions.



There are several active petitions, but those that actually caught the GF's eye were:

1. We the undersigned petition the Prime Minister to... Implement a procedure whereby the population can vote to remove the sitting government and force a general election.

2. We the undersigned petition the Prime Minister to… Scrap the planned vehicle tracking and road pricing policy

And of course you can add your own. Feel free to visit the site and add your name to the petitions that you believe to be worthwhile.



How about "We the undersigned petition the Prime Minister to..."

• Give the English the same rights as the Scots and Welsh
• Save the taxpayer £140,000 per year by sacking John Prescott
• Live up to the promise of a government that is whiter than white
• Remember he works for us, not the other way round
• Stop wasting money on unelected assemblies and quangos
• Prosecute Gordon Brown for the theft of £100Bn from private pension schemes
• Amend the Human Rights Act so that it gives rights to Victims and not just Perpetrators.
• Stop being so condescending

Well, it's a start!





Technorati Tags: Downing Street, Petition

And back...

Gorse Fox continued the walk through East Preston and down to the shoreline, where he turned east and headed home.
It had been a pleasant (6 mile) walk in the sunny afternoon, though a chilly breeze scoured cheeks.

If you wish to see more photos of the quaint houses in Angmering, please take a look at the Gorse Fox's Angmering Set on Flickr.
[File under: Diary]

Old Mill House

On the road south from the village of Angmering towards East Preston, stand these pretty cottages. The cottage on the left is called The Old Mill House, and on the right is The Old Cottage.

It is good to see that so many old houses do survive.

Again quoting from the village website: "Unfortunately, the sweeping modernisation of Britain in the 1920's and 1930's also impinged irreparably on Angmering and many ancient houses and cottages within the village were demolished in the name of "progress", a situation which we hope would not occur today with greater appreciation of our heritage." 

The Green

Angmering still radiates from the green, surrounded by its little parades of shops, the pub, and the school (just up the hill).

According to the village's website: "during the Summer of 2001, a Middle Bronze Age (c.1500 BC) settlement was located approx 700 metres north from the centre of the village. Additionally, a second site approx 700 metres to the north-east of the village centre revealed settlements from the Mid- to-Late Bronze Age, Iron Age (c.750 BC to 0 BC), and Saxon (c.450 AD to 800 AD)."

It is quite clear that some of these original inhabitants still have driving licenses, and forget that they are no longer driving chariots and carts. 

Wandering through Angmering

The High Street heads east towards the Spotted Cow (an excellent pub), and on to Ecclesdon Manor (or at least it would if it wasn't for the by-pass that cuts across the old road).

The road is bordered by quaint old Sussex flint houses, a few Victorian villas, and some modern developments. All-in-all it still retains a nice country feel, and can be quite picturesque.

"Although its population has shown continual expansion, particularly since the 1930's, with many new developments, Angmering has retained its rural charm principally due to the preservation of its village square (see photo right) and the designated Conservation Area which contains many ancient and attractive buildings of brick and flint, some timber-framed. The oldest of these dates back to the 14th Century but a number of fine 16th to 18th Century houses and cottages still exist today." 

Walkies

Another beautiful day here on the South Coast. This (of course) called for a walk, but things have been so wet lately that GF is sticking to solid ground for now.

Today he decided to head inland through the parish of Kingston, of East Preston, and on into Angmering. Angmering was the main village of the area, gaining wealth through the wool trade. (Weavers Ring and Weavers Hill giving clues to its past). 

Red faces as the BBC is outfoxed in listeners' poll - Britain - Times Online

The Times Online reports of Red faces as the BBC is outfoxed in listeners' poll where the "flagship" Today programme organised a listeners' poll where they could vote for the law that the listeners would most like to see scrapped.

The hideously urban BBC have “suspicions that there was an organised campaign at work”. (Errr... yes, that's what voting is about - rallying your supporters to ensure they register their views). As a result 52.8% voted for the repeal of the Hunting Act.

Gorse Fox (who has no axe to grind on the subject of hunting) did participate in the vote - he was one of the 6.1% that voted that the Human Rights Act should be scrapped.

Lighthouse Cottages

GF's walk took him east towards Worthing. The greensward was mushy from the rain, and people were out in their droves. This rather took the edge off the walk, so GF diverted inland for a while before doubling back towards the beach.

Near Ferring he bumped into James and his lovely wife and daughter just getting out of their car to walk along the beach. So we joined up and strolled back towards the Gorse, where we parted.

GF turned up past Lighthouse Cottages (which were never anything to do with a lighthouse, but were once a signal station) and back onto the Gorse. It had been a pleasant hour or so, made all the more enjoyable by this chance encounter. 

Flotsom

Down on the beach, the tide had turned and was beginning to ebb.

The evidence of the stormy weather was still clear in the breakers as they rolled in from the Channel.

Up beyond the normal high tide mark, seaweed littered the greensward, and this old gnarled root had been thrown clear of the waves.
A ship carrying timber had obviously fallen foul of the storm. Maybe the strapping had given way, but what looks like a deck cargo of timber had been washed overboard and now litters the coast. (According to this morning's paper, the timber stretches from Poole to Newhaven)

As the GF walked he saw people taking what they could carry. One guy was loading a minibus to the roof with the timber. 

Tranquility

A day such as this should be enjoyed.

With that in mind, Gorse Fox headed out into the heaving throng that is our little corner of Sussex.

Well, ok, it's not exactly busy, but Gorse Fox did see a neighbour sweeping his drive. 

Stage set for Fatboy beach party

Cousteau-cub and her friend Whelk have tickets for today's big concert at Brighton: Stage set for Fatboy beach party (and tickets for the after-show party).
Gorse Fox is sure they'll be getting ready... but the question is "Will Brighton be ready for them?"

Media Hypocrisy

Gorse Fox should know better. He should know by now that the media are a bunch of hypocrites.

The BBC Online, the Daily Mail, and the Times all bemoan the photos /videos that were made available of Saddam Hussein's execution. But all of them have used the stills from the sequence or pointed the reader to sites on the web where they can be viewed.

If they really want to wring their hands in horror - they should do so without providing further publicity to the sordid display.

Good start

The old year may have blown itself out in a fury of high winds, but the New Year has started without a cloud in the sky. That's what the Gorse Fox considers to be a good start.

Happy New Year

Happy New Year