Help! Worth sharing.

Every now and again a batch of emails drops through the virtual letter box and contains transcriptions of calls received by various call centres. Without replicating reams of these there are always a few that make you chuckle:

Customer: My new keyboard is not working.
Tech support: Are you sure it's plugged into the computer?
Customer: No. I can't get behind the computer.
Tech support: Pick up your keyboard and walk 10 paces back.
Customer: OK!
Tech support: Did the keyboard come with you?
Customer: Yes!
Tech support: That means the keyboard is not plugged in. Is there another keyboard?
Customer: Yes, there's another one here. Ah...that one does works...

Bless!

Customer: I have problems printing in red....
Tech support: Do you have a colour printer?
Customer: Aaaah.....................thank you.

Doh!

And finally:

Tech support: Good day. How may I help you?
Male customer: Hello... I can't print.
Tech support: Would you click on "start" for me and....
Customer: Listen pal; don't start getting technical on me!  I'm not Bill Gates.