The Gorse Fox has spent a riveting day at the computer polishing the material that he plans to submit to Starfleet for their deliberations on his future. This is another one of the processes that haunts the Gorse Fox.
Talking of processes... GF had to deal with Starfleet at its best yesterday. It went something like this:
GF had to return the laptop of a an employee who was leaving the company. He asked what had to be done... "Take it down to deployment as you are in Starfleet on Thames" came the response.
Gorse Fox walked down to Deployment. "Hello, my man. I have a laptop that I wish to return" he explained.
"What's your returns number?" shot the reply from a man with piercing eyes and pointy little beard.
"I do not have a returns number. Where do I get one" responded the Gorse Fox. It was then explained that there was an online form to complete, and that would reveal a returns number. Gorse Fox returned to his desk, with the laptop, and passed this news on to his assistant who kindly filled in said form and told him the returns number.
Gorse Fox returned to the Deployment department.
"Hello, my man." quoth he "I wish to return this laptop, as its owner is no more. is bereft of company status, and has gone over to the dark side. My returns number is xxxxxx"
A withering look pierced the air. "Have you only just got that number?" said the person behind the eyeballs. The Gorse Fox replied in the affirmative. "Well it's not valid for 24 hours you'll have to come back on Monday"
The Gorse Fox had no intention of coming back on Monday. It was clear, however, that the person behind the eyeballs and pointy little beard had no authority to react to the conditions, so GF returned to his office and picked up the phone to call the part of Starfleet that owns the process.
"Hello, my man, sorry Madam; I should like to speak to the department head." There was a sharp intake of breath. "Can I help?" she said.
The Gorse Fox explained his predicament. The woman at the other end of the phone was most sympathetic and said "there's nothing we can do - the process is run from the US".
The Gorse Fox decided it was time to dig his heels in. "Let me put it this way. I am not walking out of this building with the laptop. Can I leave it with reception?"
"No" she said "not without an authorised returns number, and that takes 24 hours".
"Can I leave it with the Post Room?"
"No" she said "not without an authorised returns number, and that takes 24 hours".
"Can I leave it with security?"
"No" she said "not without an authorised returns number, and that takes 24 hours".
"Well" said the Gorse Fox "I'm leaving to get my train, I am not taking it with me, I will just leave it here on the desk"
"You can't do that" she said.
"Watch me" he said.
There was a pause and Gorse Fox was asked to wait while the line went on hold. The phone played Handels Water Music but then after a few minutes she came back on the line.
"I'll tell you what - take it down to deployment. I've just phoned the man with the piercing eyes and pointy little beard and told him to accept it".
GF thanked her profusely and returned the laptop to Deployment. All was well in the world. The fabric of the Universe had not been ripped asunder by the breaking of the process.
It was a victory. A small one. But still a victory.
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