Gorse Fox has a theory. This has been reinforced by a trip to the client's canteen where they were singing carols accompanied by the chef on an electric keyboard. Several observations should be made first:

• Playing a keyboard instrument is a bit like shooting a gun - if you miss the target (a key in this case) you have missed. There is no such thing as close enough on a keyboard.
• In order to make time for this recital, lunch was evidently cooked last March and has been kept warm ever since.
• The concept of cutting gravy will not catch one.
• Brussel sprouts should not be used as biological weapons.

This brings the Gorse Fox to his theory (beware, broad generalisation ahead):

Women, when young, are usually musical and in general can hold a note. Then, when women reach a certain age they turn into screetch owls. This is characterized by the fact that they a) cannot hit a note; b) cannot hear a note; c) become too confident of their own musical adequacy; and d) start to sing louder. When they reach this point, singing in public should be punishable with imprisonment or at very least an ASBO

[File under: Whimsy, Carols]