Stupid Pills

The Gorse Fox helped out Urban-cub by purchasing an oil-filled radiator for her flat. Sir Lancinglot, before walking out, had stripped and removed all of the night storage heaters and now as autumn draws on the lack of heat is becoming troublesome.

The phone rang

It was Urban-cub reporting that said radiator did not radiate. Indeed it did not even register that it was receiving power.

The Gorse Fox returned this morning to collect the radiator and exchange it at B&Q. The chap was very helpful and went and checked that the fault was as described... and then sent us to take a replacement from the shelves. Returning to the counter he offered to check that this one worked. At this point silent alarms must have gone off. 

A supervisor swooped in. "You can't do that" she explained, clicking her heels together and slapping her boots with a swagger stick.

The youth stammered "I was only going to plug it in". The Gorse Fox raised an eyebrow.

"'elf and safety" said the supervisor. "If you plug it in, it can no longer be sold to the customer" and then muttered something about only following orders, annexing the Sudetenland and how 'elf and Safety was the new Reich and would last 1000 years.

The Gorse Fox smiled and took the radiator unopened back to Urban-cub's flat where, wearing rubber gloves, rubber soled boots, goggles, and safety helmet he pugged the radiator into a normal socket and went for the switch. Urban-cub and the cats were asked to shelter in the kitchen, neighbours had been asked to put mattresses up against their doors and tape their windows, and the emergency services were on speed-dial.

The Gorse Fox counted down... "Five, four, three, two, one" 

He flicked the switch. 

There was no thermo-nuclear incident. There was no flash. The Gorse Fox was not hurled across the room. The apartment block is still standing.

We had heat.